Grief Journey

I sat this morning in quiet worship-- somewhere between centering prayer and waiting worship, letting go of the thoughts and images that scurried through my conscious mind. As things settle down, my mind had fewer thoughts and more images. Suddenly, a box (yes a box: I am sure that means something to Jungian analysts, but it may just mean that I like boxes and seem to collect them) popped open like a bubble and what emerge was a word in illuminated letters: grieve.

Grieve? Grieve.

Grief is often in my thoughts, partly related to my work in the world with patients and families facing serious illness. And partly because of my own journey with grief as my companion for much of my adult life. We all live with loss, major and minor, small and large, every day. Some losses drift like the melancholy fall of a leaf in autumn; others hit like a tidal wave, where all boundaries and bearings are swept away and even breathing is not possible without extreme effort. Grief is a companion we learn to live with, and maybe even welcome at times, but who never really leaves us completely. she may stay secluded and quiet for a long time in an upstairs room, then suddenly the rhythm of daily life is again upset by her mercurial moods. 

It is like riding a roller coaster  (and I love roller coasters, by the way.) Unpredictable at times, exhilarating and frightening at others, and sometimes cathartic. Every time I think I have learned the lesson of letting go of trying to control grief, the sudden storm arises from an unexpected source.

Grief is a dedicated teacher. I am still learning. We are traveling together through the seasons of my journey. So, Rainer Maria Rilke's poem speaks to me today:

I live my life in widening circles

that reach out across the world.

I may not complete this last one

but I give myself to it.

I circle around God, around the primordial tower.

I've been circling for thousands of years

and I still don't know: am I a falcon,

a storm, or a great song?

~ Ranier Maria Rilke ~

Blessings on your journey today.